2:45 a.m.
A female student approached a Resident Assistant (RA) in Melvin Hall and asked for advice on how to clean vomit off of bedding. The RA discovered the student’s 18-year-old roommate was intoxicated and vomited on her own bed. The RA contacted NUPD officers, who determined the girl did not need to be hospitalized. She was reported to OSCCR.
One of the first things you should learn in college: how to clean up puke. Yeah, I'm sure you puked in high school, but it usually didn't take place at your house, and if it did, your Mom somehow eventually cleaned up the majority of it after you furiously tried to clean it with paper towels and just made it worse by rubbing it more into the carpet. They really should teach this type of thing at freshman orientation instead of playing ice-breaker games for 3 days straight with people you will never hang out with again for the rest of your life. (By the way, freshman orientation creates some of the most awkward encounters for the next 4 or 5 years in your college years. When you see the people from your orientation group over the next few years, it's so awkward. You have to avoid eye contact unless you want to have an awful encounter that's like "Oh yeah, I totally forgot your name and don't really care who you are, glad we played charades and told embarrassing stories for no reason at all...hope I never see you again.")
Anyways, I know I had my New York Giants garbage can parked next to my bed plenty of nights my freshman year. You're gonna need it right there after you kill a handle of Jim Beam Thursday through Saturday every weekend and get rejected at the door of every party because you roll up with 15 dudes. Ratio counts bro.
11:45 a.m.
A manager at Wollaston’s in the Marino Center reported detaining a student who stole lemonade. The student had paid for shampoo but said he didn’t have enough money to buy the lemonade. The student was banned from both Wollaston’s locations and reported to OSCCR.
I really don't get this dude's reasoning. You had enough money to buy shampoo, but not lemonade? I'm calling bullshit. You could have bought two or three lemonades with the money you used for shampoo. Priorities bro. Just wear a fucking hat and you're good to go with your precious lemonade.
This one will do.
9:00 p.m.
An NUPD officer on Columbus Avenue discovered a heavily intoxicated, partially clothed 20-year-old student laying in the street near the curb in front of Davenport A. Another 19-year-old student was stumbling down the middle of the street. The students said they were drinking to prepare for the Barstool Blackout Party and were trying to hail a cab. Both were taken to Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center by ambulance and will be reported to OSCCR.
I was actually really afraid that I was going to end up laying in the street before the Barstool Blackout Party like one of these booze hounds. Half-naked, beer all over me, can't remember my name, can barely walk...you know, the usual. They don't call me the Mayor of Blackout City for nothing. But, miraculously, I made it to House of Blues , gave all those femmy protestors the finger, and got in nice and early for the show. The only bad part was that at the door, security made me and my friends take off like the 150 glow sticks I bought. Can't win 'em all.
While on the topic of the Blackout Party, I must mention those dumb femmy protestors. The KO Bartsool Rally was held right down the street from where I live now at my freshman year dorm, so I heard the commotion, but was too preoccupied with pregaming the show to actually give a fuck. All I kept hearing was: "THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE! TELL ME WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE." Hey vaginas, I'll tell you what a feminist looks like: gross. VIVA LA STOOL
9:15 p.m.
A student reported he left his $425 Montblanc pen on a table at Curry Student Center between 5 and 7 p.m., and returned to find it missing.
Who the hell has a pen worth $425? Unless it's made of gold or something I just don't get why you would need it, and if you do, why ever bring it anywhere? Maybe I'm a little dated in the pen game though. Just give me my Bic Grips that I've been using forever. They "easy glide". FEEL THE SMOOTHNESS. Nuff said.
5 p.m.
A graduate student reported he parked his car in the Columbus Parking Lot around 1 a.m. Tuesday, Jan. 17, and returned at 1 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 19 to find one of the side-view mirrors torn off. The student also found a note on the car criticizing his parking and threatening to vandalize the car next time it is improperly parked.
Some of my friends used to have a problem with getting drunk and kicking off car's side-view mirrors on the walk home. I never really did it because I know what it's like to have someone mess with your car. But, parking improperly? Now we have a problem. Whoever's car this was 100% deserves to have their window smashed off, in fact, make it both mirrors next time. I welcome the criticism and hope this incompetent fucktard learned his his lesson to park correctly next time. If not, I hope someone skips this dumb sign:
12:30 a.m.
An officer stopped an intoxicated 20-year-old student carrying a Boston Water Department street barricade through the North Parking Lot. He took the student’s identification and began to question him when the officer heard breaking glass nearby. When he turned to address the situation, the student ran off. The officer questioned a 19-year-old student who was intoxicated but denied breaking the glass. He was reported to OSCCR. The officer went to the previous student’s residence hall. He did not answer the door. The student was found the following morning and wrote a letter of apology to the officer. The officer attached the letter to the report that was sent to OSCCR.
I like how this guy thinks. Fuck the man. I'm stealing a barricade. Hardo move until he wrote that letter of apology. Kind of a bitch move. But, let me show you why stealing street barricades is the shit. My friends have a Boston Police barricade that they made into a group shot barricade. Fuck tha po-lice. We're getting weird tonight.
7 p.m.
I actually remember this night. This happened right by my friends' place and my fat lesbian friend Pam texted me to say that he heard a gun shot and that his street cred went up. That's what I call swag.
11:15 a.m.
A manager of Wollaston’s in the Marino Center caught a student shoplifting eye drops, even though he paid for other items. The student was banned from both Wollaston’s locations on campus and was reported to OSCCR.
I might actually side with the shoplifter here. Yeah I know stealing is wrong. But the manager is a raging dick, and eye drops are expensive! How else is this kid going to get away with being baked at work or in class? Everyone will know.
Rotos rule.
2:15 a.m.
A student reported she was assaulted by another student inside of Boston House of Pizza after they exchanged words. They were reported to OSCCR.
Here's the thing about BHOP, after about 1 a.m., that place is a fucking zoo. All sorts of crazy shit going down in there. I find myself getting caught up in it. About a month ago, I walked in there after a long night of drinking and getting kicked out of various Boston-area bars. I was hungry and impatient, and there was a long line as usual. So, I walked right up to the counter, slammed my fist down and started yelling that I had ordered three slices and hadn't received them yet. I don't remember much besides that, but I did wake up with pizza all over me and one last slice for breakfast. Didn't pay for a thing. Guess they don't call me Jonny Pepperoni for nothing.
3:15 p.m.
A male student reported he received a serious eye injury in a fight Oct. 2. He said he was walking through Centennial Common at 3 a.m. when he came upon two strangers and stopped to speak with them because he thought one might be injured. The conversation continued until they started to speak about friends fighting each other. The student then challenged one of the two strangers to a fistfight. After he woke up with an injured eye the next day, he went to the hospital and later decided to report the incident as an assault.
I can't decide if I like the kid who challenged the the 2 strangers to a fight or not. It's a badass move if you win, but not if get your face beat in and have to go to the hospital the next day. I'm just going to assume it was some Masshole who drank two beers and was wearing a shirt that said "Fight Me I'm Irish" on it. Typical Boston.
12:30 a.m.
NUPD received a call expressing concern about a woman who appeared to be intoxicated attempting to enter the West Village Parking Garage, which was closed. The caller saw the woman enter the lobby of West Village F. Officers found and identified her as Joy Rider, a 24-year-old student. They determined she was intoxicated and was trying to get her car that was inside the lot. Officers told her she would not be allowed to drive home but could call a cab or a ride. She called her mother, with whom she lives with in Framingham, for a ride. The student then asked the officers if she could go to her car to retrieve some belongings while they waited. They escorted her to the garage, where she jumped inside her car and tried to drive away. The officers had to forcibly take her keys, remove her from the car and place her in the police cruiser, during which time she became increasingly violent. She then hit an officer in the face with both hands. The officers arrested her for assault and battery on a police officer. She will be reported to OSCCR.
This is an example of how a good night can just go really, really bad really quickly. This girl probably had a night out on the town, drank a bit too much, and figured she could drive home. Evading police? Probably not such a good idea though. Assault and battery on an officer? Just really went downhill for this girl. Maybe lay off the smirnoff next time and just let mommy drive you home safe. Something tells me this girl won't be driving anywhere anytime soon.
7 p.m. – Entry of the Week
A student reported that a classmate who is a middle-aged student, with whom he had struck up a casual relationship with, agreed to loan him several thousand dollars, which the older man claimed he needed to use as a fee in order to claim either an inheritance or a lottery winning overseas. When the younger man asked for his money back, he was given excuses for several weeks. One day, the man told him that he received the money and convinced the student to put the entirety of it, in the form of a check, in his bank account and take out what was owed. The bank later called the student to tell him the check did not go through and that he owed $40,000. NUPD is currently investigating the whereabouts of the older student.
First of all, define "casual relationship". These guys had to be fuck buddies or something weird like that. You don't just strike up a casual relationship with a middle-aged dude in your Psych 101 class. Anyways, the kid is either the dumbest, most gullible person in the world or the middle-aged man is a genius. Just sucking 40 grand out of this kid and calling it a day. He didn't even have to give specifics either.
Middle Aged Student: "I think I'm claiming an inheritance or I won the lottery in another country or something, but I don't know which. Can you loan me a couple thousand bucks?"
Idiot Student: "Anything for you babe ;)"
4:00 a.m.
A male student reported he received a serious eye injury in a fight Oct. 2. He said he was walking through Centennial Common at 3 a.m. when he came upon two strangers and stopped to speak with them because he thought one might be injured. The conversation continued until they started to speak about friends fighting each other. The student then challenged one of the two strangers to a fistfight. After he woke up with an injured eye the next day, he went to the hospital and later decided to report the incident as an assault.
I can't decide if I like the kid who challenged the the 2 strangers to a fight or not. It's a badass move if you win, but not if get your face beat in and have to go to the hospital the next day. I'm just going to assume it was some Masshole who drank two beers and was wearing a shirt that said "Fight Me I'm Irish" on it. Typical Boston.
12:30 a.m.
NUPD received a call expressing concern about a woman who appeared to be intoxicated attempting to enter the West Village Parking Garage, which was closed. The caller saw the woman enter the lobby of West Village F. Officers found and identified her as Joy Rider, a 24-year-old student. They determined she was intoxicated and was trying to get her car that was inside the lot. Officers told her she would not be allowed to drive home but could call a cab or a ride. She called her mother, with whom she lives with in Framingham, for a ride. The student then asked the officers if she could go to her car to retrieve some belongings while they waited. They escorted her to the garage, where she jumped inside her car and tried to drive away. The officers had to forcibly take her keys, remove her from the car and place her in the police cruiser, during which time she became increasingly violent. She then hit an officer in the face with both hands. The officers arrested her for assault and battery on a police officer. She will be reported to OSCCR.
This is an example of how a good night can just go really, really bad really quickly. This girl probably had a night out on the town, drank a bit too much, and figured she could drive home. Evading police? Probably not such a good idea though. Assault and battery on an officer? Just really went downhill for this girl. Maybe lay off the smirnoff next time and just let mommy drive you home safe. Something tells me this girl won't be driving anywhere anytime soon.
7 p.m. – Entry of the Week
A student reported that a classmate who is a middle-aged student, with whom he had struck up a casual relationship with, agreed to loan him several thousand dollars, which the older man claimed he needed to use as a fee in order to claim either an inheritance or a lottery winning overseas. When the younger man asked for his money back, he was given excuses for several weeks. One day, the man told him that he received the money and convinced the student to put the entirety of it, in the form of a check, in his bank account and take out what was owed. The bank later called the student to tell him the check did not go through and that he owed $40,000. NUPD is currently investigating the whereabouts of the older student.
First of all, define "casual relationship". These guys had to be fuck buddies or something weird like that. You don't just strike up a casual relationship with a middle-aged dude in your Psych 101 class. Anyways, the kid is either the dumbest, most gullible person in the world or the middle-aged man is a genius. Just sucking 40 grand out of this kid and calling it a day. He didn't even have to give specifics either.
Middle Aged Student: "I think I'm claiming an inheritance or I won the lottery in another country or something, but I don't know which. Can you loan me a couple thousand bucks?"
Idiot Student: "Anything for you babe ;)"
4:00 a.m.
A student at 122 St. Stephen St. reported she went downstairs to let in a friend and found a strange, disoriented man wearing only underpants in the outer foyer of the building. He said he did not know where he lived. She decided to take pity on him and invited him into her apartment, where she and her friends dressed him, got his name and tried to determine if they had any mutual friends on Facebook. Unable to get in touch with anyone who knew the man, the students called NUPD. Officers determined the man was a 19-year-old student who lived in another part of the building. He admitted he was using ecstasy and was reported to OSCCR. NUPD counseled the students who let him into their apartment on safer options should they find a disoriented stranger in their foyer.
You know the guy in the corner of the party spitting game to the wall (or some other inanimate object)? That was this guy. Pretty normal, just another night of rolling his face off. Only this time it got weird when he took his pants off and walked home. Not a good look bro.
You know the guy in the corner of the party spitting game to the wall (or some other inanimate object)? That was this guy. Pretty normal, just another night of rolling his face off. Only this time it got weird when he took his pants off and walked home. Not a good look bro.
7:30 p.m.
Detectives went to a St. Stephen Street dorm to visit the student who was found wearing only his underwear under the influence of ecstacy in the lobby of a building the previous week. The student was walking out the door just as officers were walking in. At first, he said he did not have the time to speak with officers, and appeared nervous and fidgety. He tried to say he was meeting with a professor, but was not able to provide a name. Finally, he said he was nervous because he had marijuana in his pocket. Police confiscated the marijuana and paraphernalia, along with several knives. Some of the knives were legal, though against housing policy, but one was illegal to possess in Massachusetts and considered a dangerous weapon. The 19-year-old student was reported to OSCCR for possession of drugs, possession of unauthorized weapons in a residence hall and the illegal knife.
Again? A week later? Dude, for real? I thought ninjas were stealthy. Now the cops have your knives too? Fail
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