Should Tim Tebow Try Hockey Next?

This guy really thinks he can play any pro sport. Tim Tebow is the real-life version of Happy Gilmore (the hockey player), and it's getting sad. He thinks he's good at football, but actually sucks. Now he's convinced he can play pro baseball, except he's awful at that sport too. 

But guess what? He's a competitor. He's kind of a winner and a loser at the same time though. He won the Heisman Trophy and two National Championships in college. He won a playoff game in the NFL. Yet, he's also a Jesus freak and delusional ego-maniac who has the balls the size of Jupiter thinking that he can go pro in a sport he hasn't played since high school. He's 29! Think about how many people you knew who were good at sports in high school.  OK, think about what they're doing now.

But, Tim Tebow is in luck. Since he so desperately needs to stay in the spotlight, I have a suggestion for him: lace up a pair of skates and try playing hockey. Word on the street is that he was a mean street hockey player back when he was 11 years old. Just kidding, but I'm sure you can make him think that.  I mean, he does believe in God, after all, so he's clearly brain-washable.

If he can skate, the Devils could use some help on defense. I can see him as a stay-at-home type whose also a bruiser on the boards. You know he works hard. You know he'll bring leadership and discipline no matter what his skill level is.  He knows how to take the body and probably has decent balance being a quarterback his whole life.  Right?  I know, this plan is flawless.

Is New Jersey conservative enough for him? Who cares. Can he kneel down and pray on skates without falling? I don't know.  What I do know is that "Tebow on Ice" would be must-watch TV.  That guy puts asses in the seats no matter what.  So, Tim, if you're reading this, I got you.  I'll be your coach.  So what if the highest level of hockey I ever played was in a men's league.  Hey, you try playing ice hockey after having a few beers before the game.  I can teach you, Timmy.  You don't need Jesus anymore, you need Jonny Pepperoni.

Never forget...

Put Your Feet Away

I need to address the elephant in the room that everyone seems to be conveniently ignoring. Consider this a public service announcement with the purpose of raising awareness. OK, here it goes.

Feet are weird. And repulsive. Don't believe me? Take a second and look down at your own set of paws right now. Take a really good look. I'll wait here.

Welcome back from that adventure. Pretty nauseating, right? That's right.  Here's the thing with feet. They're like hands, but with special needs. Toes are just fingers with stunted growth. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a case of Podophobia (the fear of feet) either. I'm not afraid, I'm just disgusted. This isn't on my level of hating mayonnaise, but close. I just don’t want to look at or be near feet.  Ever.

First of all, they are dirty AF. It's still summertime, so people's feet are out in full force, and it's gross. I hate flip-flops with a passion. The only place I need to see your feet is in a sock. Stop flaunting your grimy, germ-carrying hooves around. Wearing flip-flops is a careless and selfish act if if you ask me. Not to mention, it's just lazy. Why don't you just wear your slippers all day? Flip-flops are the sweatpants of footwear. There, I said it.

Oh, and dudes who wear flip-flops? Don't even get me started. If you're a guy who wears flip-flops, I automatically assume that you give the weakest, floppy fish handshakes. You don't see me parading my hairy feet around. Have some respect for yourself as a man.  It's bad enough that most females wear them and you have to hear that annoying smacking noise constantly when they walk. Click-clack-click-clack. ALL SUMMER LONG. The worst. Even if you can't see them, you can hear them. Hey, why don't you just drag your fingernails down a chalkboard while you're at it?

Luckily, the summer is coming to an end, and so is flip-flop season. It sucks because the warm weather won't last, but great because people will start to put their vile feet away and start wearing regular shoes again. Thank god. What do people have against socks? They're fun. For instance, check out my sock collection: 

Hot dog socks.  Hockey socks.  Socks for America.  Socks with your favorite team.  Socks with your favorite plant.  The list goes on. See, it's fun.  If you don't like socks, you don't like fun!

Please, just do everyone a favor and put your ugly feet away already. Please.

A Tribute to Bradley Nowell

Sublime is my favorite band of all-time, and Bradley Nowell is my favorite singer.  20 years ago today, Nowell died of a drug overdose. Dying just two months before the release of Sublime's self-titled major label debut album in 1996, it's a case of another creative artist gone too soon in the world of music.  The album put Sublime on the map, but he was already gone.  He would never see the success that the band was destined for.  

Nowell's death at a young age is reminiscent to that of Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Bob Marley, Jim Morrison, or Kurt Cobain in that his stock rose even more when he died.  For some reason, there is a certain mystique about someone's music when they die.  In Nowell's case, it's actually eery.  He even predicted his own demise: "One day I'm going to lose the war," he sang in 1994 on the song Pool Shark.  The point here isn't to glamorize his death, it's to celebrate his music.

Sublime was a little before my time. I was only 7 when their famous album dropped. For me, the band opened doors to music that I had never heard before. Bradley Nowell introduced me to reggae. To Bob Marley and The Wailers, to the Toots and the Maytals, to Peter Tosh.  He introduced me to punk.  To Green Day and Blink-182. He introduced me to psychedelic rock. To the Grateful Dead. To the Doors. He introduced me to ska.  He changed the way I think hip hop. He opened my eyes and my ears. You name the genre, and I'll show you a Sublime song that covers it.  Brad Nowell was a true innovator, and he was one-of-a-kind.

I have seen both Sublime with Rome and Badfish each on multiple occasions. While they both do a great job of keeping Bradley Nowell's spirit alive, they are cover bands and nothing more. Without Bradley Nowell, there is no Sublime. The band died with Bradley in that hotel room, but not the music, which lives on to transcend time today.

Nowell had admitted that he began using heroin to feel larger than life. While his music and subsequent death shouldn't eulogize drug use, it does characterize the danger and perils of addiction, an issue that is still front and center in our society 20 years later. Sublime's music is more relevant than ever and lives on thanks to him. Today, we pour one out and light one up for Bradley.

Public Service Announcement: Your and You're

I am by no means the grammar police, but somebody has to do this.  Too many people are mixing up the usage of "your" and "you're" with no regard for humanity.  We learned this in middle school, people.  Here is a refresher for about 75% of the population who has forgotten the difference between the two words  If this offends you, grow up.

You're = You are

Example: You're an idiot.

Your = belonging to or associated with

Example: Your grammar is terrible.

If it's still not clicking for you, here's a step by step guide.

Your welcome. 

JOKE!

A little nap on your lunch break never hurts

It's Tuesday, so I'm already mentally checked-out from work for the week.  I've already had three cups of coffee.  But, for some reason I'm still tired.  Or, let's say hypothetically that I was drinking last night and I'm hungover. What's my solution?  Take a nap.  Yes, take naps at work, I highly recommend it.  I'm not saying you should do this everyday.  But if you're tired, it makes perfect sense.  What's the alternative?  Try to stay awake for the rest of the day?  Eff that.  Taking a nap in the middle of the day is a great thing:  you'll be more productive and in a better mood.  It's science.  

I know what you're thinking...

"I could never do that"

"Napping is frowned upon at work"

"Where would I even nap?"

Shut up and stop being high maintenance. 

Unless you have your own office, your car is a perfectly good napping haven.  Park it in the back corner of your parking lot, out of sight.  Set your alarm, put on some low, soothing music, recline your seat, throw on your sunglasses and close your eyes.  You're not here to take a 2 hour nap. I'm talking half hour type deal, you do have to go back to work, after all.  It just enough time to recharge your batteries for the afternoon.

DISCLAIMER:  5 out 10 times I actually end up being more tired because I really needed a two hour nap, but i'll take those odds.  

Sometimes I really wish I had the George Costanza set up...

via GIPHY

I am not good at using a microwave

I can never get food to be the right temperature when I put it in the microwave.  Seriously, every time.  Does anyone else have this problem?  I had to reheat my leftovers tonight three times.  What am I doing wrong?

Microwave are such assholes.  Your food is always either too hot or too cold, there is no happy medium. It starts making that popping noise like it's about to explode, so you turn it off thinking your food MUST be done, right?  Wrong.  The plate/bowl is so hot you can't even touch it, but your food is still ice cold.  So frustrating!  Then, you overcompensate for how cold your food is when you turn it back on and end up burning it.  If someone can teach me, a 26-year old adult, how to use the microwave, that'd be great.

Also, if you ever come over my house and use the microwave, don't smell the inside of it.  Don't say I didn't warn you. You're welcome.

Should Patrik Elias retire?

With the Devils season now over, Patrik Elias has a decision to make.  Should he retire, or try and come back for one more season?

Just read this, Elias is reconsidering his future after a nice little return for the last three games of the year.  Does that mean that he planned on retiring? I think all of us Devils fans were thinking this was going to be his last year.  He turns 40 this Wednesday and only played 16 games this year.  I'm torn.

I believe that if a player thinks he still has gas left in the tank, go for it. The question is, does he actually have anything left in the tank, and if so, does he fit in the Devils' future? If he does try and come back next year, there is no promise that it would be with New Jersey. The Devils are in the process of rebuilding and are trying to get younger, not older.  He's no better than a 3rd line player these days and he would have to take a big pay cut to remain a Devil.  Could he even stay healthy for a full season?

I would say it all depends on what the Devils plan on doing this offseason.  Young guys like Boucher and Blandisi have proved that they can be full-time NHL players.  Pavel Zacha and newly-signed Miles Wood will have a good chance of making the team next year.  Mike Sislo had a big year for Albany and will challenge for a full-time spot in the lineup next year.  The Devante Smith-Pelly trade is looking better and better everyday.  For the first time in a long-time, the Devils have some good, young talent in the pipeline.  This doesn't even include any potential moves/signings that Ray Shero makes in the off-season.

Where does that leave Elias?  He's not going to stick around to play on the 4th line.  That wouldn't be fair either way. It's similar to Brodeur in his last season.  You don't want to see a Devils legend leave and play for another team.  I never want to see Elias wear another NHL sweater, the same way I never wanted Brodeur to leave. But, you don't want to hold onto him just for nostalgic reasons and end up disrupting both the present and future of the team.

If Patrik Elias wants to return next year, he should.  If you were in his shoes and have a chance to play professional hockey for even one more year, do it.  Look at Jagr, he's having the time of his life and says he'll play til he's 50.  If you can still play, then play.  If the Devils decide that they don't want to sign Elias, I don't blame them.  I can see how he doesn't fit into their future.  And if Elias decides he wants to test free agency and try to play one more year with another team, no hard feelings.  

Regardless if he retires or not, his #26 jersey will be the next one retired and hanging at the Prudential Center.  

Nick Swisher is back!

Welcome home Swish!

OK, it's a minor league deal, but whatever.  I love the move.

Yeah, he's 35. Yeah, he's had surgeries on both knees.  Yeah, he probably can't hit for shit anymore.  Yeah, he hasn't had a decent season since he left the Yankees in 2012.

BUT

There is familiarity with the franchise, he's played in New York before and was a member of the 2009 World Series team. He's a veteran guy who will bring a good clubhouse presence. He's a great interview, he likes to have fun and is always smiling.  Most importantly, the guy has great sideburns.  He's kind of the class clown, so even if he sucks, at least he'll still be entertaining. 

OK, maybe I am getting too excited.  It's just a minor league deal, so who knows when or even if he'll sniff the Yankees big league lineup. But, he is a solid insurance policy. He could serve a purpose as a more consistent backup to Teixeira at first base with Ackley struggling defensively early in the season.  Girardi has stated that he wants to give Teixeira as much rest as possible to keep him healthy throughout the season.  Swisher could be that guy, if he can hit.  

P.S. Nick Swisher is your friend who can't take a normal picture.

I want Tiger Woods to be good at golf again

It's Masters week, which makes for the best weekend in golf. The young guns like Jordan Spieth and Rory McIlroy are currently dominating the sport.  It's a rivalry that's going to be really fun to watch for years to come.  But, golf isn't the same for me without Tiger Woods playing.  Even when he has played and sucked the past couple years, you can't keep your eyes off of him when he's on the course.  Everything he does is mesmerizing for some reason. He's the main draw for golf fans whether they want to admit it or not.  Numbers don't lie, look at the ratings for the first round of the Masters with him not playing this year.  Plain and simple, he puts asses in the seats.  

Yes, Tiger made many personal mistakes.  He lied to and cheated on his wife multiple times.  It became a national story and he became the butt of every joke:

Men laughed and women were outraged. Blah blah blah.  His wife is a life-long gold-digger anyway (cue sexism).  But, I digress. I'm not here to talk about ethics and morality.  I'm here to talk about my entertainment purposes as a golf fan.

I'm talking about Tiger Woods the golfer, not the cheating, stripper-loving, Ambien sex-freak Tiger.  I'm pulling hard for him to be good again.  He was so dominant when I was growing up. He changed golf, he made it cool.  He made people below the age of 40 interested in the sport. I bought a fucking golf video game because of him.  A video game!  Who ever thought that would even exist?

He gave us shots like this:

Commercials like this:

Inspired Dave Chappelle like this:

Freaked out like this:

And sent text messages like this:

Tiger: Because I’m blasian

He's 40 now, which is certainly not too old to make a comeback. Especially in golf. Jack Nicklaus won the Masters at age 46.  He has time to be relevant again, if he can stay healthy.  That's the big question mark, and that has proven to be a big "if".

Here's my advice for Tiger:  go get married again and just start having more affairs.  That's when he was most relaxed and playing his best.  That is clearly his comfort zone. I don't care about his moral compass. Do it for us golf fans, Tiger.

The most stereotypical Tinder profiles

"I'll never use Tinder or any online dating app."
- me like 3 years ago

I never thought I'd use one of these apps, but here I am navigating the weird world of Tinder.

As per usual on this blog, let's first get the top Urban Dictionary definition:

TOP DEFINITION

   

Tinder

Dating app. Tinder is the McDonalds for sex.

Nah, she's not my girlfriend, she's just a Tinder.

Now that you are aware of exactly what Tinder is, let's discuss.  There is way less of a stigma on online dating these days, it really is normal for people to use it, or at least try it.  If you're single, I honestly don't know why you wouldn't give it a shot.  It's the definition of playing the field and "seeing what's out there."  

** SPOILER ALERT **

Let's get right to it. Let's be honest with ourselves here: most Tinder swiping is done on the toilet. Super romantic, right?  If you have any expectations, you're doing it wrong.  And, you'll most likely be disappointed.  Don't expect to find love, don't expect to find your stupid "bae".  Expect to have really strange and awkward conversations with people you will most likely never end up meeting in person.  

 Newsflash ladies, this is every guy on Tinder:

Don't get mad, someone had to break the news to you.  You really just need to find the humor in it.  When you do stop and read a girl's profile, you definitely notice a few patterns.  The stereotypes are true whether you like it or not. So, ladies, this blog is dedicated to you and your ridiculous attempts at finding love on Tinder.  I present to you, the most stereotypical Tinder profiles.

Let's start with the types of pictures:

Multiple pictures with your similar looking friends

    

When Tinder becomes a game of "Where's Waldo." There have been a number of times that I really have no idea whose profile it actually is.  I am also assuming that you are the ugliest one of your friends and that's why you are using this tactic (wah). If you could put an arrow pointing to yourself, that'd be great.

All obnoxious selfies

I get it, you LOVE yourself. I have a serious question though. Do you just sit at home and take pictures of yourself all day? How many do you actually take before you decide on the perfect one? The best are the ones where the phone is blocking the girl's face. WTF is the point of that? Also, if you're going to spend all of your time on taking selfies, please do us all a favor and clean your dirty-ass mirror.


Artsy/model pic of you not looking at camera

This is similar to selfies, but deserves a category of its own.  More pretentious in my opinion. Stop trying to be so dramatic, making a picture of yourself black and white is not artistic or edgy.  It's an Instagram filter. I always wonder what girls are actually looking at in these photos.  What is so fascinating about the floor? Are you staring into space?  Are you pondering life?  Thinking about your next slice of pizza?  Why so serious?

Picture with dog 

Some things in life are certain: death, taxes, and dogs on Tinder. This one never fails.  If a girl has a dog in their life, guaranteed it will be in their Tinder profile.  While I do love dogs and appreciate the bribe, you having a dog does not improve your chances.  It just means I'll get stuck walking it and picking up its shit.  Also, small dogs are stupid.


Picture of you at the gym

Can't go to the gym without taking a selfie, right?  If everyone doesn't know you were at the gym, it didn't actually happen.  That's how things work these days.  You get swoll and document every second of it. Does anyone actually work out at the gym anymore, or is it just people taking pictures in the mirror?


Picture of you after a Tough Mudder

OK, show-off.  Congratulations you try-hard. Never understood why people pay money to do those races.  Oh yeah, it's so they can post about it on social media.

Every picture is you and your girls at the club

I don’t think I can afford to hang out with you, plain and simple.  These are also the same girls who wear pounds of make-up and have eyebrows that look they were stained on with a huge paintbrush.  You can buy your own Long Island Ice Teas, toots.  I'll be on my couch waiting for my pizza and garlic knots to get here.

Picture of you in a bikini

I am totally fine with these, keep 'em coming.

Moving on.  Now that we have covered the stereotypical pictures on Tinder, let's look at the bio section.  Here are some common phrases and characteristics that I see on a regular basis:


"Live, Laugh, Love"

Puke, puke, puke.  This is by far the most common thing on girls' Tinder profiles.  How very deep of you. How brave of you to live this lifestyle. It's a given that the same girls who have this in their Tinder profile have a sign with the same phrase hanging on the wall wherever they live.  Just means that your life has no true meaning so you have to pretend to validate it with three words.  Makes zero sense.


"Fluent in sarcasm"

I've never heard anyone say this anywhere else but Tinder.  If you're a sarcastic person, I don't think you need to announce it like this.  I never thought I would call a girl a "tool", but if you have this in your profile, you're kind of a tool.  Like when a so-called humble person calls them self humble.  Ok, douche. 


"NO HOOKUPS!"

This one might be my favorite.  Really sets the tone of the type of girl you are dealing with right away. Yes, Tinder started as a hookup app and has evolved into a platform that can certainly lead to much more.  I am not criticizing that.  The funny thing is, the girl that has "NO HOOKUPS" (yes, usually in all caps) in their profile is the same girl that has very seductive/scantily clad photos right above it.  Just a head's up, any time a guy sees this phrase in your profile, it's not going to stop him from pursuing it. All he's thinking is, "challenge accepted."  You can't have your cake and eat it too. 


25 emojis in a row without any words

Words are overrated. 2016, a time when adults talk to each other in little pictures like a fucking child. What a time to be alive.


"God first"

**Immediately swipes left**.  Jesus freaks on Tinder are fun to mess with though. I have been known to message these girls (on the rare occasion we match) and ask them, "Would God approve of you being on Tinder?" It must be such a mindfuck for them, or that's what I hope, considering I've only gotten ignored after saying this.


"I'm looking for something real"

Considering this may be the most superficial way of meeting someone, I think you're in the wrong place.  


"My friend made me do this"

If you really didn't want to be here, you wouldn't be here.  Don't put this on your friend.  Just admit that you're on here to get some strange.


"I only swiped right for your dog" or "must love dogs"

Here come the dog chicks again.  They are everywhere. Anyone have a dog I can borrow? Asking for a friend...


"Follow me on IG/Snapchat"

Good one.  You're in luck, since the only reason I am here is to validate your online persona.


"No fuckboys" or "fuck boys swipe left"

Another millennial term, and I still have no idea what it means.  These go hand-in-hand with "assholes swipe left." Guess what, if you're an asshole, you'll see that and purposely swipe right. That's what assholes do.  I couldn't tell you what fuckboys do, but apparently there are a lot of them out there.


And to conclude this blog, I must end it the way 90% of girls' Tinder profiles end, with cliche Marilyn Monroe quotes:

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

"Give a girl the right pair of shoes and she'll conquer the world."

“We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle."

"Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together."


Girls, although I have a deep affection for Marilyn Monroe because we share the same birthday, she was not a philosopher. She was famous for being a dumb blonde, and kind of a hoe.

Moral of the story, stop humble-bragging and get over yourselves.  I'll see you all on Bumble.

You could go to jail for walking and texting in NJ in a new proposed bill

I read this today, and I LOVE IT.  This is one of my biggest pet peeves.  Go anywhere in a public place and you're constantly dodging people who are staring at their phones instead of paying attention to where they are walking.  Inconsiderate much? People might as well walk around blindfolded. 

I actually purposely bump into people if they are walking by me and not paying attention because they are looking at their phone.  Teach 'em a little lesson to start paying attention.  Nothing crazy, just a shoulder bump, a little love tap.  Then I stand there with my best WTF face waiting for an apology. After all, they are the one not paying attention.  It's not like I do this all the time.  I usually base it on how much I hate their face.  Always judge a book by it's cover when you're doing this.

It's like hockey.  If you're skating down the ice with the puck with your head down, you're going to get lit up.  Laid out, bro.  And you totally deserve it, just like people walking with their eyes glued to their phone.  Always compare real-life situations to hockey.  Always.

What if I wanted to say hi to a stranger?  Maybe flash a smile at a cute girl walking by? Completely eliminates that possibility. Also, this is totally hypothetical because I literally never talk to strangers and try to avoid eye contact at all costs because I'm awkward, but it makes ya think!

Have we all been guilty of this before?  Of course.  But seriously, put down your damn phone while you're walking around in public.   Your stupid "bae" can wait two minutes for you to send those 27 emojis in a row.  It's all a delusion anyway, people.

Northeastern Wins the Hockey East

Huskies! Northeastern wins it's first Lou Lamoriello trophy since 1988.  Keep it rolling into the NCAA tourney. This is all you need to see, congrats boys.  

Northeastern gets their hands on the Hockey East Championship trophy! 🏆 pic.twitter.com/1ODjZ70oxU

— Hockey East (@hockey_east) March 20, 2016

Scott Wedgewood's Seinfeld goalie mask is awesome

Scott Wedgewood played in his first NHL game and got the win tonight.  He also won the award for best goalie mask in the league.  He didn't actually win an award, that's just my opinion. The AHL farmhand's mask features your favorite Devils fan from Seinfeld, the one and only David Puddy.  Anyone who likes Seinfeld is good in my book, well done Wedgewood.

You gotta support the team...

This is all I can really talk about when it comes to the Devils these days.  They are all but mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.  They are banged up.  And they are basically putting an AHL team on the ice right now.  It's really all they can do with all the injuries though.  Kinkaid has been a bit all over the place, so giving Wedgewood the start wasn't surprising.  On top of Cammalleri and Schneider being out, Josefson, Tootoo, Schlemko, Moore and Merrill have been hurt.  Let's put it this way, when Tyler Kennedy is playing on your top line, your season is over.  Just keep faith in the long-term plan.

We're the Devilssss, the Devilssssss!

Northeastern playing for it's first Hockey East Title since 1988 tonight

SUCK IT BOSTON COLLEGE!  No better feeling as a Northeastern alumni than beating either BC or BU in hockey, especially in a big game.  The Huskies will now play for it's first Hockey East title since 1988 against UMass Lowell tonight at the Garden.   The stakes couldn't be any bigger, tonight's winner will earn Hockey East's automatic bid to the 2016 NCAA Men's Hockey Championship. 

The hottest team in college hockey rolls on with a 12 game winning streak, the longest in school history. The same Northeastern team that started the year 2-12-3 is now 19-1-2 in its last 22 games. They haven't lost since the Beanpot semifinals on February 1st.  That's insane.  

I was pumped for the semifinal game against Boston College all week. When the UMass Lowell vs. Providence game went to 3 overtimes, I wondered how the 2 and a half hour delay to start the game was going to affect both teams. After a goal by BC 15 seconds in, I was worried.  But, the Huskies calmed down after that and really controlled the game, tying it up and then scoring with less than a second left in the 1st period.  That goal was HUGE.  Giving up a goal with less than a second left in the period is always demoralizing for the other team. BC was playing like the period was over, and the Huskies pounced on them.  And that's how Northeastern won, they made BC pay for their mistakes, mainly all the penalties they took.  That's how you win against teams that seemingly have more talent than you.  That's how you beat the # 1 seed.  Boston College choked again and Northeastern took advantage and made them pay.

The big question for the championship will be, does UMass Lowell have any legs left after playing a triple OT game last night?  That's like playing two games in a row. That IS playing two games in a row.  Can the Huskies take advantage?  Northeastern hasn't been in a big game like this since I was in college.  This is their time to shine.

Side note, I had no idea the trophy for the Hockey East tournament was named after Lou Lamoriello.  Just proves again how much of a legend Lou is.

Also, I always liked the Huskies black jerseys, but these throwback reds they are wearing have grown on me.  Flashback to the Chris "Knuckles" Nilan days.

Northeastern playing in the Hockey East championship, the Devils still fighting for playoff life against Columbus tonight AND the NCAA Tourney on all day?  How many TVs can I fit in my living room?! This is why I love sports.

I miss these days...

Are Devils fans seriously booing Zach Parise tonight?

I'm flipping back and forth between the NCAA tournament and the Devils game.  It's hard to really invest a lot of time in the Devils at this point with them virtually out of playoff contention.  They are actually playing really well tonight though, currently up 6-2 on the Wild.  That's surprising given they just got their doors blown off 7-1 in Anaheim the other night.  But, what's more surprising to me is that Devils fans are booing Zach Parise every time he touches the puck.  I can't remember Devils fans booing anyone so hard since Sean Avery played for the Rangers.  Or when Gomez left for the Rangers.  And that booing was completely warranted.

Do Devils fans actually hate Zach Parise?  He left the team almost four years ago.  Stop being butthurt and get over it.  He had every reason to leave New Jersey.  The Devils had plenty of time to lock him up to a long-term deal.  They didn't.  They chose to give all the money that should have gone to Parise to Ilya Kovalchuk instead.  AND, Parise is from Minnesota, so he was going home when he decided to sign with the Wild.  I don't blame him one bit for leaving. 

Of course, I would love to still have him on the Devils.  It really sucked to see him go. He's the ultimate leader and was one of my favorite players to ever suit up for the franchise.  He's everything you want in a player.  Zach Parise is one of the classiest players in the NHL.  So, take note, Devils fans.  Show a little class and respect to a guy who gave it all for New Jersey.  I am all for booing the opposing team, but Parise is different.  That's the definition of ignorant fans.

It's not officially St. Patrick's day until you watch this throwback video

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone.  Enjoy

A 30 for 30 Recommendation: The Duke Lacrosse Case

ESPN aired it's new 30 For 30, "Fantastic Lies" this past Sunday, ten years after the Duke lacrosse sexual assault case made national news. If you aren't familiar with it, read here.  In a nutshell, three Duke lacrosse players were wrongfully accused of rape by a woman.  But, that was not the story portrayed throughout the court case.

After watching this documentary, it really struck a nerve with me regarding the media's ability and tendency to portray any narrative it wants to.  The media spoon-feeds the public whatever bullshit it wants. The public is conditioned to believe that narrative because let's face it, the public is a herd of sheep.  Essentially, if you are in a position of power or influence, i.e., the media or someone in public office, you can pretty much pursue any agenda you want. People believe it, and then take it and run with it before hearing the actual facts.

For example, when the case starting gaining national attention, Newsweek slapped this on the front of their magazine:

Innocent until proven guilty, you say?  Not anymore.  This was printed before ANY facts came out about the case.  At this point, it was guilty until proven innocent.

Even one of the lawyers defending one of the accused players was buying into the media frenzy:



Do you know why these three kids were so quickly presumed guilty?  It was the perfect media storm.



At this point in time, who didn't want to see these rich, white jocks go down for this terrible crime?  Everyone believed it.  Combine the media's leverage on the story coinciding with the local prosecutor, Mike Nifong, seeking reelection and you have a stranglehold on some fantastic lies being portrayed as truth.  Nifong was in a position of power, along with the media, and they fucking milked it.  The agenda was clear, regardless of facts, and it was absolutely distorted.  Why?  Because they were in a position to control it.  The obvious social discrepancies were jammed down the public's throat to drum up ratings for the Nancy Grace's of the world.

Duke University officials bought into the false narrative as well.  They just wanted it to go away.  Did anyone actually care about the truth?  The team's coach was the only person to stand behind his players, and he ended up being the fall guy when Duke forced him to resign.



These guys could very well be in jail for a crime they did not commit if they couldn't afford the great lawyers that they had (Making a Murderer, anyone?)  When they went to present their case to Nifong, he acted like a child.  It blows my mind.  This was the guy that everyone was believing.  




The Duke lacrosse case occurred in 2006.  This was before smart phones, before the 24 hour news cycle was really in full force and at everyone's finger tips at any given time. The scary thing is, nothing has changed 10 years later.  It's unbelievable how knee-jerk reactions are driving our media and our world in general.  It's really gotten worse with all the new platforms for people to gather and irrationally sound off on, regardless of facts.  Now, everyone has a voice with social media. We live in a "protest culture" and I absolutely cannot stand it.  I am not saying that you shouldn't stand up for what you believe in.  I am saying, don't jump to conclusions before the truth comes out.

It seems that truth has become secondary to the media's agenda, plain and simple.  Mike Nifong fucked those kids over, and the media dumped fuel on the fire. He was driving the car, but the press was navigating where it went.  If this happened today, there is no doubt this would have ended up even worse.  Take the University of Virginia fraternity case, for example.  This happened less than two years ago. Think people jumped to conclusions?  For sure.  I mean, it was published in Rolling Stone, right?  So it must have all been true?  America is losing credibility on many levels, and fast.

I am in no way trying to desensitize the issue of sexual assault.  It's an atrocious crime that should be punished as such. It is also a serious societal issue, especially on college campuses.  The people that actually lose out the most from the Duke case are the ones who are actual victims of sexual assault.  Let's not forget that a woman lied and completely made up her story.  She, along with Nifong and the media made it much more difficult for victims today given the way the Duke case was handled.  It just proves how damaging and dangerous people and institutions can be when they have an ax to grind.  

Devils fan stabs Flyers fan to death after an argument over his hat

A rivalry between two ice hockey teams may have been the motive for the stabbing to death of a Philadelphia Flyers fan in the early hours of Sunday morning. Colin McGovern, 24-year-old from Bucks County, was with friends in Philadelphia's Rittenhouse Square celebrating St. Patrick's Day when a man approached, Action News reported.
The attacker, who was wearing a blue New Jersey Devils hat, asked if the victim was a Flyers fan, which led to an argument. The Devils fan reportedly stabbed McGovern in the stomach before running away. The Flyers fan was taken to Hahnemann University Hospital, where he later died.
"There was a brief verbal altercation, a struggle ensued that lasted a few seconds, and by witness accounts, the offender stabbed the complainant," Philadelphia Police Captain Nicholas Smith said at the scene. "Then the attacker fled the area, going southbound on 19th Street, then eastbound on Manning Street."
Steven E. Simminger, a disabled veteran with a previous record, has been arrested in the incident. The 40-year-old Devils fan was charged with murder and possession of an instrument of crime, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported. Simminger has prior arrests for assault, harassment, corruption of minors, false imprisonment and reckless driving.

People are crazy. No, this isn't an article from The Onion.  This actually happened, and that picture is actually of the guy who did it. Not a good look for Devils fans, and I'm not just referring to the stabbing.  Who the hell buys a blue New Jersey Devils hat?  That's actually the wackiest part of this story to me.  Is that thing custom-made?  People that wear odd color team hats are probably the same people voting for Donald Trump.  Absolute psychopaths.

In all seriousness, not the most logical way for this guy to react after getting chirped about his hat.  If I'm ever in Philly, I am DEFINITELY not wearing any of my Devils/Giants/Yankees gear.  No way in hell, I value my life.  Clearly this Stevie Simminger guy just does not give a shit.  I thought Devils fans were always the rational ones in this rivalry, apparently not.

Speaking of the Devils-Flyers rivalry, it's still there, but it's lost some intensity over the past couple seasons.  I think a big part of it is the realignment of the divisions.  They play less games against each other every year now, which I don't like.  Same with the Rangers, Islanders and Penguins.  I never understood this move by the NHL.  The Capitals, Red Wings and Blue Jackets don't belong in the division, plain and simple.

Another reason this rivalry isn't what it used to be is because both teams just haven't been that good the past few years.  For a long time, it was the Devils and the Flyers battling every year for first place in the Atlantic Division.  Not to mention, some legendary playoff series along the way.  Remember this?

I miss those days.  Not that I want the Flyers to ever be good.  Fuck Philly.


While we are on the topic of the Devils, let's just all agree that this year is officially over.  Yes, they showed flashes by beating both the Sharks and Kings on the road.  Kinkaid even earned third star of the week for the whole league.  But, that 7-1 loss last night to the Ducks was embarrassing and demoralizing.  Only guy showing up to play is Smith-Pelley. There's always next year, right?

MAKE THE DEVILS GREAT AGAIN...PLEASE

Daylight Saving Time should be at 4pm on a Friday

I think that everyone can universally agree that springing ahead an hour at 2AM this Sunday is the dumbest idea ever.  Do you know whose idea this was originally?  Benjamin Franklin.  So blame him. Burn all your $100 bills.  He just lovedddd going to work. C'mon dude. Why the hell would losing an hour of sleep on the weekend be beneficial to anyone?  HELLO.  Some people are trying to get belligerently drunk and celebrate St. Patrick's day this Saturday.  Some people = me even though I barely have any Irish blood in me. But screw it, everyone is Irish on St. Patty's. 

Anyways, Daylight Saving should be at 4PM on a Friday.  (Yes, it's "saving" not "savings", look it up) How great would that be?  Everyone wins.  EVERYONE.

FYI - I have no problem with the falling back thing in November.  Forget electricity, that's probably Ben Franklin's best idea yet.  

Obligatory Office clip...

Donald Trump's hair is so confusing

I do not understand Trump's hair.  It's all I can focus on while watching this GOP debate.  It defies gravity.  Is it real? Is it combed forward or backward?  Or to the side? Where does his hairline start? What fucking color is that?  Whatever it is, it's a yuge mindfuck.

Chris Christie has to be wondering the same thing...

What's the deal with coleslaw and pickles at diners?

I've always wondered this.  Is it a New Jersey thing?  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the pickles. I love pickles. My animosity towards mayo is well-documented, so obviously I don't eat the coleslaw.  But, why is it such a staple at diners?  

Also, how long has this shit been sitting out?  How many people actually eat it?  Do they just recycle the coleslaw after people like myself don't eat it?  Sometimes the pickles look a little limp, like they've been sitting out.  Doesn't stop me from eating them though.

For the record, the best diner in New Jersey is the Pompton Queen in Wayne.  If you disagree I think you need to GROW UP.

How the hell hasn't Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives been there yet?  C'mon Guy Fieri!!!

Victor Cruz will be back with the Giants

Once a Giant always a Giant. See you in September. @ New York, New York https://t.co/Dl95jAsj2G

— Victor Cruz (@TeamVic) March 10, 2016

Victor Cruz will be back in a Giant uniform in 2016.  After the Giants told him that he would either have to take a pay cut or be released, he decided to stay with Big Blue.  It's nice to see that he is self-aware enough to take a pay cut, and a big one at that.  His salary will drop from $7.9 million to $1.3 million.  That's a team player right there.
The question is, what can we expect?  He hasn't played in 26 games, since Week 6 in 2014.  He's coming off major injuries.  He's probably lost a step or two.  Can he even play? How would he fit in now with Odell being the # 1 guy?  A lot of questions, but I am glad to see him back.  He's a Jersey guy and he's done a lot for this franchise.  Hopefully, he can contribute to this team considering how thin we are at wide receiver.

Please just get a new dance dude.

The Giants made it rain on the first day of free agency

Live look at the Giants front office:

The Giants spent A LOT of money yesterday.  $204 million to be exact.  On 4 players. Jerry Reese making it rain on them hoes.  You think he feels the pressure to win now?  I wondered how aggressive the Giants were going to be when free agency opened up.  I certainly didn't expect them to be the most aggressive team in the league on the first day, but I am thrilled that they were.  The Giants usually don't throw around money like this, so I was surprised.  But, with so much cap room, I think it was the right time to do it.  

It started with re-signing Jason Pierre-Paul to a one-year deal.  Smart move.  I was nervous about signing him to anything longer than a year or two.  He proved in limited time last year that he can be disruptive and get to the quarterback, even with one hand.  He turned down more money from the Cardinals to come back to New York citing some "unfinished business."  You can tell he has something to prove, and now he actually will have some help.  

The Giants got back to their bread and butter and beefed up their pass rush.  First, they snagged former Jet defensive tackle Damon "Snacks" Harrison.  Awesome nickname by the way. The 350-pounder should be a nice complement to Hankins in the middle.  Maybe the Giants will actually be able to stop the run now? In a surprising move later in the day, the Giants out-bid the Jaguars to get former Dolphin Olivier Vernon.  They dished out $52 million in guaranteed money, which is the most in Giants' history.  This defensive line is going to be nasty and I love it.

The Giants also went out and got cornerback Janoris Jenkins.  
They are giving him a  lot of money as well, but it was time to move on from injury prone Prince Amukamara. They need consistency in the secondary and they'll get it with Jenkins, who has only missed 4 games in 4 years.  And Jerry Reese isn't done, there is still plenty more money to spend.  Which is good, because there are still plenty of holes to fill.

As Mike Francesca said today, the Giants defense will be back in business.  Yes, this is all on paper at the moment.  None of these guys have played a single snap.  The secondary is still thin. The linebacker core is still the worst in the league. Not to mention, ODB will need an extension at some point. So, will all this spending come back to bite us in the ass? Did we overpay a bit for these guys?  Maybe.  But, that's what you do when you have money.  You swing your dick around.  The Giants swung their dick around on the first day of free agency.

P.S. - How pissed is Tom Coughlin right now?  Poor guy.

The Devils should shut down Cory Schneider for the rest of the season

The Devils are dead.  They aren't going to make the playoffs.  I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic.  We are 2-8 in our last 10 games, and the Cory Schneider injury against Dallas was the nail in the coffin.  I say shut him down for the rest of the season.  It's a grade 1 MCL sprain and he'll be reevaluated in two weeks.  But, he still may even need surgery.  We still don't know.  No reason to rush him back and risk him getting re-injured.  

If he was only going to miss a game or two, it would be a different story.  With only 15 games left and still 6 points out of a wildcard spot, it's just not worth it.  Now, our two best players are hurt, the other being Cammalleri.  We fought hard for most of the season to stay in the playoff race, but it's simply too little, too late at this point.

Henrique and Palmieri are the only two guys consistently producing.  You can't make the playoffs with only two guys who can score.  There has been barely any secondary scoring. Our bottom six forwards are essentially AHL players.  I hope to see most of them gone next year.  Maybe I am being harsh, but this is a business.  You want the Devils to win, right?  Then  dump the dead weight and move on.  Let some young guys have a shot, we have nothing to lose this season.

As I said when Schneider initially got hurt, let Kinkaid play the rest of the year.  He's a good, young goalie.  If he plays well in the last 15 games, he could be a nice trade piece at the draft.  Not that I want to see him go, I like Kinkaid and I think he's the quintessential backup to Schneider.  But, this is a business.  Like any business, you need to protect your most important asset.  Shut it down, Shero.

Peyton Manning retiring from football means his acting career has just begun

Peyton Manning is announcing his retirement tomorrow. His career highlights:

5-time NFL MVP
2 Super Bowl titles in 4 trips
Super Bowl XLI MVP
14-time Pro Bowl selection
7-time first-team All-Pro

One of the greatest football players of all time, no doubt. First ballot hall-of-famer.  I think we were all expecting/hoping he would retire after looking so old this year.  He couldn't throw a pass more than 10 yards and it looked like his body could literally fall apart at any moment.  That's not the point though.  The point is that as the door closes on his football career, another one opens on his acting career.

This is good news for all of us.  Chicken-parm-you taste-so-good. 

P.S.  I wonder if anyone at his retirement press conference will ask him about the whole dragging his balls across a girl's face in college thing...