Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Should Tim Tebow Try Hockey Next?

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This guy really thinks he can play any pro sport. Tim Tebow is the real-life version of Happy Gilmore (the hockey player), and it's getting sad. He thinks he's good at football, but actually sucks. Now he's convinced he can play pro baseball, except he's awful at that sport too. 

But guess what? He's a competitor. He's kind of a winner and a loser at the same time though. He won the Heisman Trophy and two National Championships in college. He won a playoff game in the NFL. Yet, he's also a Jesus freak and delusional ego-maniac who has the balls the size of Jupiter thinking that he can go pro in a sport he hasn't played since high school. He's 29! Think about how many people you knew who were good at sports in high school.  OK, think about what they're doing now.

But, Tim Tebow is in luck. Since he so desperately needs to stay in the spotlight, I have a suggestion for him: lace up a pair of skates and try playing hockey. Word on the street is that he was a mean street hockey player back when he was 11 years old. Just kidding, but I'm sure you can make him think that.  I mean, he does believe in God, after all, so he's clearly brain-washable.

If he can skate, the Devils could use some help on defense. I can see him as a stay-at-home type whose also a bruiser on the boards. You know he works hard. You know he'll bring leadership and discipline no matter what his skill level is.  He knows how to take the body and probably has decent balance being a quarterback his whole life.  Right?  I know, this plan is flawless.

Is New Jersey conservative enough for him? Who cares. Can he kneel down and pray on skates without falling? I don't know.  What I do know is that "Tebow on Ice" would be must-watch TV.  That guy puts asses in the seats no matter what.  So, Tim, if you're reading this, I got you.  I'll be your coach.  So what if the highest level of hockey I ever played was in a men's league.  Hey, you try playing ice hockey after having a few beers before the game.  I can teach you, Timmy.  You don't need Jesus anymore, you need Jonny Pepperoni.

Never forget...


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